Safe and Healthy Friendships – Varsity Education

During adolescence, you continue to develop and strengthen your personal identity. The development of your identity will be influenced by many factors, including your peers. Peers are people of similar age who share similar interests. Peer relationships can play an important role in your health and well-being. Your friends and peers may influence you to try new activities, such as joining the debate club or learning to play tennis. These activities, in turn, can promote all aspects of your health.

As you get older, your social groups expand. You may also get a part-time job where you’ll meet new people. These opportunities to meet people from different age groups, cultures, races, and religions contribute to your social development. Some of the people you meet during your high school years may become lifelong friends.

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Friendships

You will form many kinds of friendships throughout your life. As you learned in Chapter 6, a friendship is a significant relationship between two people. Friends not only enjoy spending time together, they also care for, respect, trust, and show consideration for each other. They also share interests, hobbies, and other friends. Friendships have several common attributes:

• Similar values, interests, beliefs, and attitudes

Open and honest communication
Sharing of joys, disappointments, dreams, and concerns
Mutual respect, caring, and support
Concern about each other’s safety and well-being

You probably have several types of friendships, including casual, close, and platonic friends. With the widespread use of the Internet today, many teens are also forming online friendships.

Casual and Close Friendships; A casual friend is someone with whom you share interests but not deep emotional bonds. As you get to know a casual friend better, your relationship may develop into a close friendship. Close friends have strong emotional ties to each other. You feel comfortable sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with a close friend. When something is bothering you, a close friend offers support and encouragement. She or he listens to your concerns without passing judgment. Close friends also feel comfortable talking about problems that may arise in the friendship.

Platonic Friendships; Your friends can include both males and females. A platonic friendship is a friendship with a member of the opposite gender in which there is affection, but the two people are not considered a couple. Platonic friendships can help you understand and become comfortable with members of the opposite gender.

Online Friendships; The Internet has created opportunities for new kinds of friendships. Online friendships can be rewarding because you can get to know people in other parts of the world and learn about other cultures and traditions.

Social networking sites have created a great way to interact with others. Online friendships, however, can be dangerous. For example, online friends may not be truthful. A person who claims to be a teen may really be an adult. These sites can expose you to people who may harm you, including sexual predators. When communicating with online friends, keep these guidelines in mind:

Don’t share personal information or pictures of yourself.
Don’t offer your phone number or street address.
Never arrange a face-to-face meeting.
Always tell a trusted adult if an online friend suggests you do something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

The Importance of Teen Friendships | Newport Academy

As friends grow closer and share more serious thoughts and feelings, friendships may become complex. It’s natural for friendships to grow and change, but always remember that healthy relationships are based on:

mutual respect
caring
honesty
commitment

Building Strong Friendships

Main Idea: Good friends offer loyalty, support, and motivation.

Friends can reinforce your values and motivate you. Additional traits of a positive friendship include the following:

• Empathy. Does your friend consider your needs and feelings? Does she or he demonstrate understanding?

• Fairness. Does your friend treat you fairly?

• Shared interests. Do you enjoy the same things?

• Acceptance. Do you and your friend accept and appreciate each other’s differences?

• Support. Does your friend support you during difficult times?

• Loyalty. Does your friend keep your confidences? Does he or she stay true to your friendship?

Recognizing Problems in Friendship

Main Idea: It’s important that you know how to recognize problems in a friendship and how to resolve those problems.

Friendships can have a positive or negative effect on you. They are positive when they offer support and encouragement. They have a negative effect if they influence you to engage in harmful activities. Cyberbullying is an example of how some friendships can be harmful. To avoid unhealthy friendships, you need to recognize and resolve problems that arise.

Cliques

A clique is a small circle of friends, usually with similar backgrounds or tastes, who exclude people viewed as outsiders. Often members of a clique share interests, dress similarly, and behave in the same way. Being part of a clique may provide members with a sense of belonging. However, cliques may discourage individual members from thinking for themselves or acting as individuals.

Sometimes, clique members may exclude others by showing prejudice. They may make assumptions or judgments about an individual without really knowing him or her. These judgments may include stereotypes, exaggerated or oversimplified beliefs about an entire group of people, such as an ethnic or religious group or a gender.

Managing Feelings of Envy or Jealousy

Another problem that can occur in friendships is envy or jealousy. Such feelings may arise if one friend compares himself or herself to another friend. Envy and jealousy can harm a friendship. If you feel jealous of a friend ask yourself the following questions:

What is making me feel jealous?
Is my friend deliberately trying to make me feel this way?
What can I do to manage or reduce these feelings? How can I feel better about myself?
Are these feelings of jealousy more important than our friendship?
What positive qualities make this person a good friend?

To overcome feelings of envy or jealousy, remind yourself of your unique talents and the positive aspects of your life. Friendships can survive the occasional feelings of jealousy if individuals focus on the reasons why they became friends.

When Friendships Change

As you grow older, you and a close friend might spend less time together and develop new interests. When close friends grow apart, the friendship may become casual. Other times, you may decide to end a friendship because it is becoming harmful. Here are some reasons for ending a friendship:

A friend pressures you to do something that is unsafe or goes against your values.
A friend says hurtful and insulting things to you.
A friend constantly tries to get you to change your beliefs or actions.

If you decide to end a friendship, communicate your feelings to that friend in a clear and respectful way. Use “I” messages to explain your feelings and reasons for ending the friendship. Let your friend respond with his or her point of view. Although it may be difficult, sometimes ending a friendship is the best decision for both individuals. Remember, you can always talk to another friend or ask a trusted adult for advice about dealing with these situations.