Strengthening Family Relationships

Different families interact together in different ways. For example, Joyce’s family tends to be reserved around each other. They express their feelings calmly and rationally. When Joyce goes to her friend Ted’s house, she’s amazed at how openly his family expresses emotions. Ted and his family laugh and cry easily together. They tease each other and get into arguments, but they always make up.

This doesn’t mean Ted’s family is healthier than Joyce’s, or vice versa. They just interact in different ways. The important thing is that both Ted and Joyce feel secure and loved. Both of their families demonstrate traits of strong families:

• Good communication. Healthy families share their thoughts and feelings honestly with each other. They listen to each other and demonstrate empathy.

Caring and support. Family members show they love each other through their words and actions. They express appreciation for each other and help each other through difficult times.
Respect. Family members respect each other’s opinions, tastes, and abilities. They show consideration by sharing, being courteous, respecting each individual’s privacy, and helping out with household tasks.
Commitment. Healthy families make time for each other. They work together to solve problems, and they’re willing to make sacrifices for the good of the family.
Trust. In a healthy family, parents earn their children’s trust by being honest and keeping their promises. Children show that they are worthy of trust by being honest, loyal, and reliable.

How to Talk to Your Parents About Dating | LoveToKnow

Coping with Change

Main Idea: Family members can help each other cope with changes in the family’s structure or circumstances.

Families can face a variety of problems, both major and minor. Many of these problems have to do with changes in the family’s structure or circumstances. A parent losing a job, for example, or a grandparent’s serious illness can lead to long-term stress for the whole family. Even positive events, such as a move or the marriage of a relative, can create stress. Because change is a normal part of life, healthy families must be prepared to deal with changes and help each other cope.

Changes in Family Structure

The structure of a family changes when someone new joins the family or when a family member moves out of the home. Examples of such changes include birth, adoption, separation, divorce, remarriage, and the death of a family member.

Birth and Adoption

Welcoming a new baby or an adopted child into the family is a joyful event. However, adjusting to the new situation isn’t always easy. Making room for the new child means that everyone else has to make do with less space at home. Also, as parents devote time and energy to the new child, they may have less time for the other children-and for each other. All these changes can create stress for everyone. Family members can help each other through this time by sharing the responsibility for taking care of the new child. They can also make an effort to find time for each other.

Separation and Divorce

Separation and divorce are difficult, especially since they result in a family member leaving the home environment. Separation is a decision by two married people to live apart from each other. Couples who separate may hope to eventually work out their differences and live together again. Divorce, by contrast, is a legal end to a marriage contract.

When parents divorce, they need to come to an agreement about where the children will live. Custody is the legal right to make decisions affecting children and the responsibility for their care. Custody may be granted to only one parent (sole custody) or divided so that both parents share in the child rearing (joint custody). Adapting to either arrangement can be difficult for the children. They may find it hard to go for long periods without seeing one of their parents. In the case of joint custody, they may find it stressful to move back and forth between two homes. Parents can help their children get through this difficult period by reminding them that both parents still love them.

They can also reassure the children that the divorce was not their fault. Children may find it easier to cope if they discuss their feelings with parents and other trusted adults. In some cases, they may want to consider joining a support group for children of divorce. Being part of such a group may help them realize that they are not alone.

Remarriage

After a divorce, one or both parents may decide to marry again. A parent may also remarry after the death of a spouse. When a parent remarries, the children must adjust to having, or living with, a stepparent. If the stepparent has children from a previous marriage, all members of the blended family will need time to adjust. Good communication and mutual respect will make this process easier.

Death of a Family Member

Perhaps the most difficult change a family can go through is the death of a family member. In Chapter 4, you learned about the feelings of grief that can accompany a death or other loss. Family members can help each other through this difficult time by sharing their feelings and memories about the person they’ve lost. It’s also important for family members to respect each other’s feelings and remember that the process of grieving is different for everyone. Joining a support group or seeking help from a counselor may also help those who have lost a loved one recover from their pain.

Changes in Family Circumstances

Changes in a family’s circumstances can also be a source of stress. Family members can help each other deal with these changes by communicating honestly and showing as much support as possible. Here are some examples of changes in family circumstances:

Moving to a New Home. When a family moves, especially over a long distance, family members may miss their old friends and familiar surroundings. Teens may be anxious about making new friends and adjusting to a new school. When a move results from the breakup of a marriage, it can add to the stress already caused by the divorce.
Changes in the Family’s Financial Situation. Financial problems can result from the loss of a job, a medical emergency, poor planning, or uncontrolled spending. Not having enough money to pay the bills can be stressful. It can also lead to arguments about how the family’s limited funds should be used. Interestingly, a sudden financial gain can also be a source of stress. Unaccustomed wealth can trigger anxiety and confusion as people wonder what to do with the money and whether it’s going to change the way people see them.

Illness and Disability. A serious illness or disability can disrupt a family’s normal routine. One or more family members may need to change their schedules to care for the sick or disabled person. Coping with this situation may be easier if each family member plays a role in caring for the sick or disabled person.
Alcohol or Other Drug Abuse. Substance abuse is one of the most serious problems a family can face. Family members must seek outside help to deal with the situation. Teens may wish to consult teachers, other trusted adults, or organizations such as Alateen.

Coping with Changes

One of the most important strategies for coping with changes in the family is to talk honestly and openly with each other. Just talking about your feelings can help reduce stress. Letting family members know about your needs and wants can also make it easier for them to help you.

You, in turn, can make an effort to support your family members during a difficult period. For example, you can offer to take on more chores and responsibilities at home. You can also make a point of being there for family members if they want to talk.

If this strategy is not enough, family members may find it helpful to talk with someone outside the family, such as a counselor, teacher, or member of the clergy. They can also try to learn more about the situation they’re dealing with, either by reading books or by talking with people who have been through similar experiences. Finally, families should be willing to seek professional help if they need it. Lesson 3 discusses resources that can help.