Peer Pressure and Refusal Skills

Peer Pressure

Main Idea: Peers can influence how you think, feel, and act.

You are hanging out with friends on a Friday night when someone suggests going to a movie. Everyone agrees, but you aren’t sure because the movie ends late. If you stay for the entire movie, you’ll miss your curfew. “Come on! It’s the weekend!” your friends say. You hesitate, trying to decide what to do.

During the teen years, it’s common to experience pressure situations like the one presented above. How you respond to these situations can impact your health and safety. That’s why it’s important to learn ways to handle pressure from peers. The influence that people your age may have on you is called peer pressure. Peer pressure can have a positive or negative influence on your actions and behaviors. Evaluating forms of peer pressure and developing strategies for responding to it will help you maintain healthy relationships.

The power of positive peer pressure

Positive Peer Pressure

Peers can influence you in many positive ways. Your peers might inspire you to try a new activity, like an art class, or to try ethnic foods that you’ve never tasted before. They may also encourage you to participate in community projects, such as a cleanup campaign. Agreeing to work with your peers on a volunteer project benefits your social health because you have the opportunity to interact with others in a positive way. It also benefits the community by providing a cleaner environment. Volunteering to serve food at a homeless shelter or working at a Special Olympics event because a friend does are other examples of positive peer pressure.

Sometimes, positive peer pressure involves not participating in risky behaviors or activities. For instance, having friends who do not use tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs may positively influence you to avoid these harmful substances. You can also use positive peer pressure to influence others in healthful ways. You might encourage a peer to try out for the softball team or to study hard for an important test.

Negative Peer Pressure

Peers sometimes pressure others to take part in behaviors or accept beliefs with negative consequences. The members of a clique, for example, may be disrespectful toward people they do not consider acceptable to their group. Such behavior may involve harassment, or persistently annoying others. Harassment may include hurtful behaviors such as name calling, teasing, or bullying.

Negative peer pressure may also lead some teens to engage in behaviors that go against their values. For instance, a peer might pressure a classmate to help him or her cheat on a test.

Another way that some people exert negative peer pressure is through manipulation. This is an indirect, dishonest way to control or influence other people. Take a look at figure 8.5, which lists some examples of how people manipulate one another. It is important to discourage this kind of hurtful behavior and to encourage the victim to report the problem to a trusted adult.

Resisting Negative Peer Pressure

Main Idea: Practicing refusal skills will help you deal with negative peer pressure.

Peer pressure does not stop at the end of your teen years. Throughout your life, you will experience instances in which peers, including friends and co-workers, try to influence you to behave in a particular way. They might even make direct requests or demands of you.

In some cases, your responses to these situations will directly affect your health. For example, getting into a car with friends who have been drinking can lead to serious injury or even death. To protect your health and safety, you need to learn effective strategies for resisting negative peer pressure.

One way to resist negative peer pressure is to develop friendships with people who share your values and interests. Friends who have respect for your health and well-being will be less likely to pressure you into doing something that goes against your values. You will also find that it is much easier to resist negative peer pressure when you have supportive friends who stand by you and respect your decision.

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Sometimes, however, the pressure to participate in unsafe or potentially harmful activities can be difficult to resist. When pressured by a friend, many teens worry jeopardizing their relationship. They may agree to an activity that goes against their values in an attempt to maintain a friendship or to make new friends.

Another concern that teens have is that refusing to go along with a group may make them appear “uncool.” They fear that peers will tease or make fun of them for their decision. Even though these situations may be difficult, it is important to remain firm and stay true to yourself.

Remember, you have the responsibility to make decisions that have the best possible effect on your well-being. In making decisions that involve potentially risky consequences, your health and safety come first. To help you say “no” to the pressure to participate in an activity that is unsafe or goes against your values, practice refusal skills. Rehearsing assertive refusals will make it easier to say no when pressure situations arise.

Assertive Refusal

When you practice assertive communication, you state your position and stand your ground while acknowledging the rights of others. This is the most effective approach when facing negative peer influences.

Refusal Skills

An important aspect of being assertive is the ability to demonstrate appropriate refusal skills. Refusal skills are communication strategies that can help you say no when you are urged to take part in behaviors that are unsafe or unhealthy, or that go against your values. Effective refusal skills involve a three-step process:

Step 1: State Your Position. The first step in resisting negative peer pressure is to say no. You need to state your position simply and firmly. When you say no, make sure you really mean it. Combining your words with nonverbal messages, such as those shown in Figure 8.7, will make your statement more effective. Having said no, give an honest reason for your response. Your reason may be as simple as, “It goes against my values.” Offering a legitimate reason will help strengthen your refusal.

Step 2: Suggest Alternatives. When a peer asks you to take part in an activity with which you are uncomfortable, try suggesting another activity. For example, if a friend wants to go to a party where there is no adult supervision, you might say, “No, let’s go to the movies instead.” By offering an alternative, you create an opportunity to spend time with your friend in a way that makes you comfortable. Keep in mind that your suggestion is most effective if it takes you away from the dangerous or unpleasant situation.
Step 3: Stand Your Ground. Even after you refuse, some peers may continue trying to persuade you to join in. Make it clear that you mean what you said. Use strong body language and maintain eye contact, but do not touch the other person or become physical in any way. If this doesn’t work, remove yourself from the situation. Simply say, “I’m going home,” and walk away.

When you’re faced with negative peer pressure, refusal skills can help you avoid unsafe situations. Learning and practicing these steps will help you deal with high-pressure situations in a way that keeps you safe and healthy. Knowing that you made the decision to protect your safety and uphold your values will make you feel good about resisting negative peer pressure.

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Passive and Aggressive Responses

Being assertive may take some practice. To some people, a passive response to negative peer pressure seems easier. Passive communicators are unwilling or unable to express their thoughts and feelings in a direct or firm manner. Teens who respond passively to peer pressure may believe they are making friends by going along. However, being passive may cause others to view them as pushovers who aren’t worthy of respect.

Some people may feel more comfortable with an aggressive response. Such responses are overly forceful, pushy, or hostile. An aggressive way of resisting peer pressure may involve yelling, shouting, shoving, or other kinds of verbal or physical force. Aggressive people may get their way, but most people react to aggressive behavior by avoiding the individual or by fighting back. Either reaction can result in emotional or physical harm to both parties.

Practicing assertive communication is the most effective way to deal with peer pressure. Being assertive shows that you will stand up for your rights, beliefs, and needs. It shows that you respect yourself and those around you.